Grace

This morning Corey came into my room while I was sleeping to say goodbye to me. I love it when he does this. He does it all the time when I stay at his house and he has to go to work in the morning. He'll come into my room at like 6:30 in the morning just to say bye. It's nice to know that he's thinking about me and it puts a smile on my face even at that hour!

Yesterday Corey and I decided that we need to spend some time apart to refocus. I've been looking to Corey for things that I should be looking to God for. I need this time so I can set my undivided attention on God; praying and trusting and seeking his will for our relationship. So this morning when he came to say bye neither of us were sure how long it will be before we see each other again. That's why my mood plummeted and I became almost angry when he acted so distant. When I had to ask him 'please' to hug me, and when he pulled away and said that he had to leave before I was ready to let him go. I wasn't able to fall back asleep when he left and because I chose to be upset I didn't get up for church this morning. I just didn't feel like it. What a lousy excuse, huh? I know, and am reminding myself now that it wasn't Corey's intention to make me feel the way he did. He probably had his own reason for being so distant, for pushing me away. It may even be the same reason I was wanting to pull him so close--he was leaving, and the next part, the part that started as he walked out my door, is going to be really hard.

So after God convicted me of my wrongful emotional reaction (and he continues to do so even as I'm writing this), I decided that I needed to make better use of my time and I watched an online sermon. It was on Grace--hence the title of this blog--and the speaker was mark Driscoll. I realized that I'd never heard God's Grace preached and since I have the word tattooed on my wrist, I should probably learn more about it!

It's amazing How God reveals your sins when you didn't even think you were having issues in that specific area. Sure I have issues and plenty of them, but I didn't think this was one of them.  I struggle with Grace. 

Mark says that there are two categories of Grace: Common Grace, and Saving Grace. Common Grace is the Grace that everyone gets. Like food and rain, love and family... even laughter. Saving Grace is Grace upon Grace. This is the Grace that God gives to those who have committed their lives to him, believing in Christ and what he did for us... thereby being saved by Grace. Within saving Grace there are 14 kinds of Grace:

1. Electing Grace

2. Preached Grace

3. Regenerating Grace

4. Converting Grace

5. Justifying Grace. 

6. Adopting Grace

7. Ministry Grace

8. Sanctifying Grace

9. Empowering Grace

10. Provisional Grace

11. Financial Grace

12. Miraculous Grace

13. Persevering Grace

14. Glorifying Grace

My eyes were opened to my struggle and ultimately to my sin. Justifying Grace, and Persevering Grace. Those are what I most struggle with. 

Justifying Grace is what Christ showed me when he died and gave me his righteousness, taking away my sin. I forget this ALL THE TIME and start to view it as merit and demerit: If I do good, God will love me more, and if I do bad, God will love me less. When I have a good day where I feel like I've "done good" I start to think that God in a much lovelier light, and the opposite is true when I feel like I've had a bad day full of sin. I get depressed and lonely and angry at myself and can't imagine how God could love me as much today as He did on my good day. Both of these reaction are pride and are so sinful! I have to know, believe, and live that Grace is UNmerited and that merited Grace is a demonic lie.

The second type of Grace that I struggle with is persevering Grace. I think this is my biggest thing, and something that I've always known I struggle with, but I never saw it in terms of Grace, or of it having anything to do with Grace. This Grace is Grace for the future... Grace for tomorrow. It happens like this...

I start to think about the future, even as close as tomorrow, and I start to freak out. Like... panic attack here I come sort of freaking out. And I do this because for some reason I doubt that God's Grace will be there. What if He just decides to not be there, to not take care of me anymore--He knows that I'm ill-deserving of it! I fail to trust that God's Saving Grace will remain in my life today, tomorrow, 10 years from now...

And that's what it comes back to. That's what it always seems to come back to. Trust. Trust trust trust!

I was really encouraged by something else Mark said. That trust in God is a gift. It's not something that we could ever do on our own. To our human minds it doesn't make any sense. Our minds are so busy trying to figure out how we're going to be able to make ourselves trust in someone we can't even see. We get distracted, and worked up, and frustrated because no matter how hard we try and think it true... IT'S NOT WORKING. And that's because on our own it will never work... trust is a gift and it's something that we have to seek after and pray for. God will give us trust in Him as we grow in knowledge and understanding and as we bury ourselves in the truth of His Word, and spend time with Him. Because really... how can you ever trust in someone who don't even know or have a good relationship with?

Wow, this was a long one! But I hope that you took the time to read it. I really enjoy learning and it makes it so much more enjoyable when I can share what God is teaching me with other people.

I think that's all for now :)

PS. My Maida might be coming today. I miss herrrr :( 

Oh, and here's the link to the sermon... it's really good!

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/religionsaves/grace