Overwhelmed (in a good way!)

The past few days have been really exciting for me with everything that I have been thinking about, and learning about... being challenged with.

If there is one good thing that came out of Corey and I breaking up, it's how much I have been, and I know he has been growing. And even though it's still hard almost all of the time, not being with Corey will be worth it. As I continue to seek God, grow in knowledge and understanding of His character and His love for me, and as I seek His will for my life, I know He will show up and make all of this pain make sense in how it is essential in His plan for my life. I still have such a deep desire to be a wife, but I am trusting God (well, trying very very hard to trust God) that when I am ready (according to Him) to be a wife, I will be blessed. Even though everything inside of me wants someone specific to be that blessing, I know God will fulfill my desires... no matter who that person might be.

So we've been talking about the gospel a lot lately, and it got me thinking hard about my attitude towards what Christ did for me on the cross. I let myself get into a place where Christ's sacrifice becomes old, just a story that I have heard oh so many times. I've been convicted of how wrong that is and I've been challenged to make it something real and powerful and overwhelming.
So I've started to read the story of Christ's death and resurrection, starting in John and going back through each of the gospels. While reading I realized something that surprised me at the same time as it made me so sad: I have never, before now, actually read this story. I've heard it so many times throughout my life, I've had parts of it read to me, but I've never read the entire thing for myself. How unbelievably sad is that? Now that I am reading it, I really want to make sure I get everything out of it that I can. I pray before I read that the Spirit would just move in me and open my heart to what God wants me to know and understand. I'm on my third time reading it, this time in Mark, and Christ has revealed more about His love for me each time. And it's so overwhelming and wonderful.

I've been growing over the last month and a bit, and it has made me more excited about continuing to do so. I just want to grow and learn.

I am so blessed to be at a school like I am where I'm surrounded by people who love the Lord and where I have the opportunity to be fed like I could never be if I were anywhere else. One thing that happened recently that really excited was when I was having a conversation with a few of the people I go to school with. It was on the topic of election and we ended up talking about whether or not babies who die go to heaven. I know that it's a pretty heavy topic and can get very emotional and confusing and I went into it with my mind made up on what I believed about it. But as we talked and as I asked questions my view was challenged. A couple days later I brought the topic up again with some other people and I was given a passage to read - and as I read and as we discussed the passage, it just all made sense. I know that a lot of people really struggle with understanding, especially when they believed something completely different before, but I didn't really struggle with it, and I am so excited that my view was challenged and changed! By the way, the passage I read was Romans 9... good stuff.

I'm in the library right now... supposedly working, although sometimes I don't really feel like this is a job. When there's nothing to keep myself busy with (work wise), there is really nothing. No books to be covered or put away, no cards to be filed... no people to help. I guess I could be doing some shelf reading, but it's not the most enjoyable of jobs and I did a whole section on Tuesday! So instead I write blogs and catch up on some homework. There's only 45 minutes left until I have to close, so I'm just waiting for people to need me.

Hockey is tonight and it think I'm going to a friend's house on Sunday with a bunch of people, so this weekend should be fun.

I think that's all for now.
Peace out.
Cait xo