"She Works Hard for the... [passion?]"

So it's been awhile.
Sorry to those of you who grew accustomed to reading my ramblings and other thoughts.
But I've been inspired! Yay :)

I guess I just wanted to tell everyone how sick and tired I am... of myself. Sick of my lack of passion for the One I claim to be so passionate about. Tired of my desire remaining so unchanged, my flame burnt out.

I'm home for for what seems like the rest of my life. I know I won't be here forever, but in this house, where my heart constantly feels broken, it's hard to see a time when I'll have my own family, my own husband to make a marriage with, and eventually children who I can raise into godly men and women. Here I just feel stuck under a heavy rain cloud that just won't blow away no matter how aggressive the wind is.

But I was reading today, In Exodus because I'm forcing myself into the Old Testament no matter how scared I am of it, and I was reminded of the necessity to set my life apart from the world and for God. My home here with my brothers and my parents is filled with the world- worldly words, actions, music... the list could go on. It's no wonder I just want to close my eyes and wait for everything to "get fixed." But nothing gets fixed on its own... each of us has to move and work towards something greater, something more wonderful. First we have to chose to set our lives apart for God.

Easy right? Thing is... we can't stop there. We can't just intellectually make a choice and then ta-da our lives are perfect. A changed heart takes time and devotion. I want my desire to grow? I need to FEED IT. I want my passions to stir? I need to DIVE into the Spirit who can stir them. If I want my flame to re-ignite, I need to provide a spark... and I trust that the Holy Spirit, given as a helper to be my Jesus Christ (because he knew we needed it!) will burst my heart into flames of passion and excitement and love for the One desire to be so passionate about. The one to whom I owe my life.

I want to grow; feed me. Lord Jesus.